addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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