You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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