You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
