Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
