now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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