is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
