I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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