I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize