Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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