I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You may now shotgun with the bride
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize