I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
