i think my tv is drunk
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
barbara walters just said penis...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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