so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I had to cum in my sink.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
