? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize