Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
