we're chasing vodka with high fives
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
