You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
