Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
