I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
