I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
