Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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