The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
