When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
