Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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