the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
