im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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