How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
