She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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