Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
