were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
