Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you didnt know i had herpes?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
