Grow some girl-balls and come out already
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
