she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
