you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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