I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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