Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
