So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
