it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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