i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
