you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize