a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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