I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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