well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
