You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
