Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
