i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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