I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
