So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
