I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Life is so much better after having sex.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize