My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
