Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And then the night went full on bisexual.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
