you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
She's JV to your varsity
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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