omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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