Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
