how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
