who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize