that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
