did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
