I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
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