I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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