she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
