I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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