Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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