Sry I called you an 8
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
