Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
