Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
