wat bout pragnant strippers??
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Randomize
