it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
my being single is dangerous.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize