4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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