Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
