You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
