he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
