he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
