overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize