you would pick up someone in the library
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
