everyone is single if you try hard enough
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
