I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
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