Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
