okay pat passed out under dana's car
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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