I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
