You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
