omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
