I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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