Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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