Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
