I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
