After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
