Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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