He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize