It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
