He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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