I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
