I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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