Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
