dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
