If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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