It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
