I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
