Its about making memories worth repressing
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
